love’s illusion

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I am in a state of confusion
Is it possible my love is all a delusion?

If all I know about her is what I see
How real can my feelings actually be?

If I can’t hear her inner thoughts
How can I possibly connect all the dots?

If I can’t experience how she feels
How do I know what I feel is real?

How close can we ever really be
When we exist in this life separately?

Can I ever really know her inner beauty
Or will this all drive me totally loony

so long

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Last night while wandering in a dark dream
I happened upon my love once again
It’s been so long since last I saw her
Yet all my secret feelings forever remain

By some wordless form of mental touch
My true feelings for her were disclosed
Thus my shy innermost heart and soul
Were unexpectedly dangerously exposed

I stood enchanted by her loveliness
Frozen by my insecurities and fear
When suddenly she simply smiled at me
And then she quickly drew very near

I expected her to inquire or accuse
About all the years I had been gone
Instead she opened her arms and kissed me
Then asked “What took you so long?”

Dear daddy (by Ellie House)

Dear daddy
I love you
like the wavy
seas splashing
me!
[paw
of Hello]

Daddy you
are as
calm as
a
smooth
coated otter
nuzzling
me!

Daddy you
have the mane
of a lion and
you are the
king of the
Jungle
and you have

a shiny crown
and you have
the roar
of a lion you
have a shiny
clean but
nice coat of
fur

June 14, 1987: my last song

My original lyrics and chords for my last song (photo by RK House)

On June 14 of 1987, three years after leaving my last tape of music compositions unfinished, I recorded my last song. While I was driving home from work, I thought of the words and music for the song. As soon as i got home that evening, I grabbed my guitar and recorded that song, adding it onto the b-side.

This was a different process than how I had composed most of my prior work, where I added music to poems that I had previously written. In fact, for most of my songs, the words had been put to paper years prior to being put to music.

The song, “I’m Just a Fool in Love“, was in response to some silly things that were happening at that time. A female friend of mine with a shaky boyfriend relationship (I believe she told me they had broken up or were breaking up that day, but that had happened multiple times before), who also had another potential suitor in the wings (she also confided in me about him but I forget the details), had confessed to me that she might have feelings for me that went beyond our friendship. She said her best female friend had even asked her if she was in love with me. So, I guess they were talking about me, too? All very confusing.

I liked her a lot, but I had mixed feelings. She was cute and funny, but also a little crazy. We were just friends and we, really she, talked a lot. She was fun and we laughed a lot together. That is the kind of situation that has comedy, drama, tragedy and disaster written all over it. I was inspired to write one last song out of the situation. I don’t remember how things turned out for her, or for them, but I guess that was the beginning of the end of our friendship.

After composing this last song in 1987, I only wrote a handful of poems over the years, until 2011 when I woke up from a vivid dream and started this blog. I have written more songs that are in this blog, where I thought of music and lyrics at the same time. However. I’ve never picked up my guitar and tried to play or record them. So, you only have my word for that.

For some of my later songs, I’ve written the lyrics in this blog with the chorus included, but most often I’ve left out the chorus to avoid repetition. I don’t try to play songs anymore because I don’t play guitar anymore. Although, I do still have some guitars and I had been thinking of perhaps trying to play again after retirement.

“I’m Just a Fool in Love” © 1987 Ronald K. House

Tape 13 recorded 5/23/84 and 6/14/87

Side A	Side B
That Girl Give Me Your Love Waiting For So Long The Most Beautiful Girl Let’s Not Think About Tomorrow She’s A Girl A New Leaf You Don’t Look So Bad If We Wait Pretty Girl Shine Your Light Dream Girl	Up and Down Instrumental 1 and 2 I’m Just a Fool in Love

Sideways

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You’re the one that I should be kissing
You’re what my life was always missing

I’ve always known that to be true
From the very first moment I saw you

But you didn’t wait for me to come along
We didn’t get the chance to sing our song

After that everything went sideways
When we should have been together for always

Continuing

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Alone in her back yard she continues
To feed the squirrels that peak in the windows

Just as they had all happily done
In remembered times before he was gone

Now, they share food and memories
And overhead the crows watch in silent reveries

laughter and love

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All I want to do is to make her laugh and smile
To see her lose control for a little while

To hear her laughing is the best of sounds
Nothing is better for life’s ups and downs

To watch as she has to cover her face
All of her worries temporarily erased

To see her eyes almost brought to tears
To know my humor erases all her fears

For laughter is the best medicine
And few things are any more genuine

With humor my heart is subtly declaring
Laughter and love is what I want to be sharing

 

fresh air

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Dark thoughts can take me to a dark place
And pull me in like a black hole in outer space

I can’t spend every moment in the light
Sometimes, I walk alone in the dark of night

With dark thoughts circling in my head
I try to think of good and happy things instead

But I’m cornered by a circling black eyed shark
When I’m adrift in the ocean in the dark

My heart races and it’s a very close call
Hanging on the edge of a precipice about to fall

The world closes in and I can’t breathe
With nowhere to go and no way to leave

Until, I think of her and even though she’s not there
I’m reminded of tomorrow morning and fresh air

what’s-a behind me

And now my friend, the first-a rule of Italian driving: what’s-a behind me is not important.
Franco Bertollini in The Gumball Rally

I know there’s no point to looking back
Only memories and dust are left behind on the track

There’s no way to go back to the beginning
That would defeat the whole point of winning

But my perspective is different than when I was a young man
Perhaps, racing to the finish line wasn’t the best plan

any road

If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.
Lewis Carroll

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I guess, I just lost my focus
although, no one else noticed

my direction became unclear
without the one that was most dear

so, I selected a random route to journey
into a future which was then so murky

fully knowing any road would do
because there was no road that would lead to you

by the time I reached my final destination
I forgot the whole point of my narration

The Beths

When I say I love Power Pop, people always ask me “what is that?”. My usual response is that it is guitar-driven pop music with hooks, harmonies, a strong rythym and beat, a beautiful melody, and so on. But, honestly, that describes a lot of pop music. The difference in Power Pop is the energy and emotion. Emotions of yearning, longing, lust, love, loss, angst, despair, fear, or whatever, are channelled into pure energy. In the first few crashing chords of Badfinger’s ‘No Matter What’ or the Raspberries ‘Go All the Way’, you just know that you are hearing Power Pop. I’ve been addicted to this music all of my life. The following band doesn’t necessarily call themselves Power Pop, as far as I know, but that’s what I hear and I love it.

So, let me highly recommend a band from New Zealand called ‘The Beths‘. The emotional, sincere and very open lyrics of Elizabeth Stokes are exposed in a context of powerful guitar-driven pop music with a gorgeous backdrop of sunshine harmonies. I hope the quotes from the songs, shown beneath each youTube video will encourage you to have a listen. I think they speak, and sing, for themselves.

Call declined
Say you’re ’round the corner, fine, okay
You think I will buy whatever you say
(Whatever, yeah, whatever)

Elizabeth Stokes

I’ve been stressed of late
But please don’t try to guess whats on my mind
You probably won’t like what you’ll find

Elizabeth Stokes

This stays in this room
Don’t take it with you
If I told the truth
Then what would you do?

Elizabeth Stokes

I never wanted to, I didn’t want to fall
I don’t believe that love’s a good idea at all

Elizabeth Stokes

‘Cause I was fine on my own
Tolling steady like a dial tone
Couldn’t you leave me?
I was happy unhappy
But now I’m overthrown
Wish my heart were really made of stone
And I could forget you
Like I really want to

Elizabeth Stokes

the wanna be’s

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I only wanna be by your side
And for your heart to open wide

I wanna hold your hand
Everything would be so grand

Let my love come deep inside
I don’t wanna be denied

I only wanna be with you
My love will always be true

some things never change

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With my poetry I tried to beseech
For the love just out of my reach

But my efforts were futile
I lost all that was worthwhile

You were always out of my range
Some things never change

May 23, 1984: the last tape

It seems I did write down some of my chords. I forgot that I ever did that, but I know I didn’t do it often. (photo by RK House)

Thirty six years ago, I started on the first half of what would become my last tape of music. By this point, I think I had settled into mostly conventional pop music forms. I was still varying my times, making mistakes, improvising, and so forth, but I was getting closer to coloring within the lines. There was less experimentation and more attempt on my part to actually compose something that was more listenable. My singing had improved since I started in 1981, I think, and my guitar playing also. However, I still had trouble holding a tune, and began to feel there was a sameness and a repetition in the music. Most likely, that was due to the limited number of chords I knew and was using.

By this tape, I also remember that I would often start with a more complex idea for the music in my head, but would have to compromise the song into something that I could actually play. This was frustrating for me, and it may partially explain why I never finished the tape. The alternative was that I would have to spend more time to learn guitar and improve my musicianship. So that day, I did the a-side and a single song on the b-side, played some instrumental music and then stopped. I had stopped part way on tapes before, but this b-side was left incomplete that day and was, in fact, never finished.

This music, except for the last song, must have been composed after I had graduated and shortly before or after I returned to Tennessee to start my job. I had been offered a job when I on my last co-op work session prior to my final two semesters of college. After starting my new job, I was given a temporary assignment in California, so I had to move again. I continued to play my guitar and my old songs over the next few years, but I was writing software, not poetry or songs.

Tape 13 recorded 5/23/84 and 6/14/87

Side A	Side B
That Girl Give Me Your Love Waiting For So Long The Most Beautiful Girl Let’s Not Think About Tomorrow She’s A Girl A New Leaf You Don’t Look So Bad If We Wait Pretty Girl Shine Your Light Dream Girl	Up and Down Instrumental 1 and 2 I’m Just a Fool in Love

“That Girl” © 1984 Ronald K. House

“Give Me Your Love” © 1984 Ronald K. House

“Waiting For So Long” © 1984 Ronald K. House

“The Most Beautiful Girl” © 1984 Ronald K. House

“Let’s Not Think About Tomorrow” © 1984 Ronald K. House

“She’s A Girl” © 1984 Ronald K. House

“A New Leaf” © 1984 Ronald K. House

“You Don’t Look So Bad” © 1984 Ronald K. House

“If We Wait” © 1984 Ronald K. House

“Pretty Girl” © 1984 Ronald K. House

“Shine Your Light” © 1984 Ronald K. House

“Dream Girl” © 1984 Ronald K. House

“Up and Down” © 1984 Ronald K. House

if only

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our lives are filled with if only’s
if only this, if only that
they are things that can never be
never come true
because they already are
that why we
wish upon a falling star

it’s the difference between what is
and what could be
or might have been
if things had turned out differently
if we had a chance
to do it all again
all over again
to start from the beginning
if only we could
and build a new world

but our lives are filled with if only’s
if only they could come true
then the earth would become a heaven
or maybe not
it’s hard to tell
maybe things wouldn’t turn out
at out all well
but it’s a dream we haven’t got
we only know
that things would be different
if only, if only
if only’s came true
if only, if only

(instrumental finish)

“If Only” © 1981 Ronald K. House

thunder and fire

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hear that sound that roar
over your head
that’s the sound of thunder
better run under your bed

hear that crack of fire
out to singe your soul
that’s the sound of thunder
better duck in a hole

feel the terror, the fear, the anger

the force of thunder and fire
and as a matter of course
know that you are a target
waiting to be struck

CRACK

it’ll hit you hard
knock you flat on your face

the force of thunder and fire
the force of thunder and fire
can reach anyplace

listen to the echo, echo, echo, echo
the rumble, the warning
of thunder and fire coming
to crush you
kiss the dirt in fear, trembling
and you may live

because you recognized
the sound of thunder and fire
and knew your place

“Thunder and Fire” © 1981 Ronald K. House

so many wonders, so little time

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the world is full of many wonderful things
birds that fly freely with multicolored wings

giant sequoias that tower over little me
magical moments of reality better than any fantasy

stars that twinkle in the heavenly night sky
beautiful women that leave me hopelessly tongue tied

the ocean creating a sandy beach by its perpetual motions
simple words that can express my hidden emotions

this morning

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this morning she sneaked into my thoughtful mind
like the rising sun through my window blinds

I wasn’t avoiding her but I didn’t notice her there
until she was shining right in my face, I swear

I turned to look away grasping for additional time
to rest in the peace and solitude of dark nighttime

but I was to be denied and my efforts were betrayed
as the inevitable happened and the night became the day

In my heart

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hey my little dove
don’t you cry for my love
cuz you know you’re number one
over anything under the sun in my heart

hey little bird
don’t you wait or the word
cuz the answer is in you
and there’s nothing I can do in my heart

in my heart, in my heart, in my heart
in my heart, in my heart, in my heart

in my heart I feel a pain
like a wooden stake driven in again and again
but there’s nothing I can do
the choice is left up to you
and the only thing I can say
is if there is a way for you to stay

in my heart, in my heart, in my heart
in my heart, in my heart, in my heart
just knock and I’ll let you in
in my heart, in my heart, in my heart
I love you, in my heart, in my heart

in my heart, in my heart, in my heart

la de da da da de da

in my heart, in my heart, in my heart
in my heart, in my heart, in my heart

oooh ooh ahh eee ahh ooo ahh eee ahh ooo
oh, in my heart

in my heart, in my heart, in my heart
in my heart, in my heart, in my heart

“In My Heart” © 1981 Ronald K. House

Long Love

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it’s a long love, my love
it’s a long love, my love

if my love could be denied
I’d hold it all inside
but there’s just no way
for me to stop loving you

if the whole world went away
because I’d loved you for a day
there would still be no way
for me to stop loving you

for my love is stronger
than anything in space
it will last far longer
than any other thing or place

it’s a long love, my love
it’s a long love, my love

and if one dismal day you die
I don’t know if I’ll sigh or cry
I only know that I’ll still be loving you
I only know that I’ll still be loving you

for my love is far stronger
than anything else in me
it is the one and only thing
that I know will always be
as long as there is me

for my love is stronger
than anything in space
it will last far longer
than any other thing or place

it’s a long love, my love
it’s a long love, my love

ba ba pa ba de da

for my love is stronger
than anything in space
it will last far longer
than any other thing or place

it’s a long love, my love
it’s a long love, my love

“Long Love” © 1981 Ronald K. House