another day in an expanding universe

Found myself in an ever expanding universe
Wondering if life is a gift or a curse

Waited so long to catch a ride on a shooting star
That never got me very far

Never found what I was searching for
Maybe, I never knocked on the right door

Began looking for an easy way out
Found myself guilty beyond any doubt

Nothing much was actually accomplished
Except the many fragments that were left demolished

Never got built up or let down by Buttercup
Scotty, Captain Kirk is ready to beam up

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Build Me Up Buttercup

The Foundations

Checking the Time

Now you’re checking the time
As if you have someplace important to be
And you say it is nothing
But it means something to me

There is no reason to hurry dear
The last grain of sand has already run out
Looking back now I can only wonder
What was our relationship all about?

We were always almost connecting
While busily going on our separate ways
Our fate was to keep crossing paths
Caught in a Hallmark drama full of cliches

There was something missing and left unsaid
Despite all the intimacy that was secretly shared
The countless times love was openly declared
Now we know just how much we really cared

my better soul

Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Pexels.com

An illness of extreme ups and downs
Situations resulting in countless tears and frowns

Helplessly watching life’s loud crashing waterfall
Pondering the source of my inevitable downfall

Multiple dimensions each with a panoply of pain
No one to hold to account and no one to blame

Years walking around in a frustrating revolving door
Ever aware and mindful of the vow I had once swore

In slow motion everything near and dear fell apart
Crushing my family and my carefully hidden broken heart

Pushed beyond my limit by a situation way out of control
As a result I have forever lost my better soul

Looking for a Lost Heart

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I looked but couldn’t find
Where my heart had been left behind

I knew that I’d had it sometime in the past
Perhaps, I left it with some long forgotten lass

Maybe I buried it somewhere in the ground
Hoping against hope that it would never be found

I could have put it away in my safe deposit box
Or hidden it in a closet because I’m a clever fox

Or it could have simply stopped doing its job
I can’t remember when I last felt it skip or throb

Then it slowly dawned on silly old me
That it was lost somewhere in my long history

I forgot I’d broken it once upon time unintentionally
Never needing it again for anything romantically

I folded myself away

Broken glass, Belfast, April 2010 (Photo credit: Machine Made)

your lies lie scattered on my floor in broken shards
left shattered like my hopes and dreams
it all feels like such a pain in the glass
that over the years never seems to wane or pass

small slivers that cut deep and stay embedded in me
my trust like a knife left stabbed in my back
with your fingerprints left everywhere as evidence
only to be wiped away as I was carried to the ambulance

my shadow passes the cracked mirror left hanging on my wall
reflecting jagged memories of my distorted anguish and pain
until I summon the will to forgive you and to forgive myself
now at the end, it is time to fold myself away, up on the closet shelf